No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
