Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Randomize
