I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
