I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
