I just cut my nipple shaving
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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