So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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