I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
