Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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