The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
