The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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