ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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