that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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