Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
