I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
