You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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