laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
