my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
