I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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