You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
