I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Randomize
