How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Bring me that man meat
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
