I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
