Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
