One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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