Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
