Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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