Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
