dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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