You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
