You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
