Screwed.edu
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
