the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
