I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
