you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
