just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
