Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
