Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
you made out with another girl for some wings
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
