Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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