There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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