So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
