i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
there's paper in my vomit.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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