You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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