Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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