I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
