I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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