i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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