this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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