some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
a search helicopter?!
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
