tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
