Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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