Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
