I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize
